Book 1 of the DNF Chronicles

This is going to be a really rage-y review. I go full on bitch mode.



Barking Madness by Ryan Hill
Publish Date: October 19, 2014

     RECOMMENDED FOR READERS 17 AND UP DUE TO STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, DRUG USE, AND MILD VIOLENCE. lol, OK...
     "My life is crumbling away before my eyes while I do nothing to prevent it. I have visited too many funerals, for too many friends who haunt my dreams. Everybody dies eventually, right? No, everybody dies young when they befriend me. Was I born to die young? I don't think so. I'm the only one here with the nerve to stay alive. I can't be left alone. Not with that hollow man, the one who hides his face. That's what he wants, me to be alone, because once I'm alone he's going to kill me!"
     Seventeen-year-old Rosetta Harper is plagued by nightmares of a masked man. With her father’s new career move, her family has just relocated from Florida to the small New England town of Ashwood. A quiet town and close-knit community where you know your neighbors, and trouble is a word unspoken. But soon after her arrival, her world and the worlds of her classmates come crashing down.
     Michael hates his family and feels alone and unloved. He only finds comfort when he's with his friends, but even they get on his nerves. Everything about Ashwood and his life bores him, until Rosetta Harper moves into town. With her as a new classmate, Michael finally gets the excitement he was looking for, but it may be at too high a cost.
     What the synopsis should have said was. Recommended for people that HATE: insta-love, insta-lust, and a shit ton of other stuff I, and EVERY OTHER BOOK NERD, hates.
     It's summer, end of summer, and I don't want to be reading light, contemporary romances like every other person. I want to read about blood being shed and people dying. I want to pee my pants because I'm scared as heck.
     Did this book do that? NOOOOOOOOOO.
     It was a contemporary, girly romance. *rioting people in the background calling me a bitch* Let me explain.
     Rose moved to Ashwood and it's her first day of school. Rose is a TERRIBLE person. She thinks she's so pretty and smart, like every other character in this book.
     Rose was cocky, arrogant, conceited and, as much as I hate slut shaming, promiscuous. I thought she was an annoying blonde, bimbo. Isn't that wonderful?!?!?!

Evidence:
"I need to find a friend, or a boyfriend."
"I thought I looked fat. Luckily, it was just me, but I still could lose a few pounds."
"Still grinning, I nodded and wrapped my arm around his so that I can feel his biceps."
"Thanks cutie pie...blowing him a kiss...he was going to be all over me; at least, I hoped so. A girl like me 'deserves' to be with a guy like him."
"Luckily, or by an act of fate, Tommy and I got seats next to each other, which totally means we should be together."
"I could assume she wasn't the brightest of the bunch."
"When gym ended, I found lover boy."
"They both appeared to be dim-witted, but they were equally good looking."
"I half expected him to have a beautiful Mercedes, be he sure as hell didn't."
"He was such a good kisser, but I WAS BETTER, so he quickly had to catch up to my level if he wanted me to stay interested. Fortunately, he did."
     It gets better, wait for it...
*after/during the sex after meeting on the first day of school*
He whispered "I LOVE YOU."
Well, Bob's you're uncle. FML!

     I really enjoyed the first page because the writing was eerie and suspenseful. It felt oddly poetic to me. The darkness is music to my ears. Rose is being chased by this wolf thing in the dark and I was like, YES. GET HER. DIEEEEEEE!
     Then, she woke up... I was so sad.

     I think that the beginning of this book was totally unnecessary. The author had to build a relationship and get you acquainted with the characters before the boyfriend and friends get killed. The author could have made it so much more interesting and less irritating like this. Page 1: First Death, underneath is the name and repeat this until all the people he want to kill off is gone. It takes less time and it really gets you interested.

      The writing did not agree with me, that's the nicest I can put it without having someone complain. It felt like it was a script. It had really weird "stage directions" and explanations. The wording was really off-putting. The book sounds like a sixteen year old, horny boy pretending to understand the thoughts of a girl. It was like he got bored and wanted to mix his fantasies with something gorey and thriller-esque.

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