HORROR BINGE | I HATE HORROR

There are "spoilers" (I don't think they're spoilers because some of these movies have been out for years,) so beware. If you don't like horror, skip the post.

HELLRAISER

The Cenobites have great character designs: dark, creepy, fetish-y. Is it bad that I want their outfits? Butterball licking his lips is so uncomfortable. Chatterer reminds me of the "baby" from Eraserhead. Open/Deep Throat and Pinhead are fascinating to look at because they raise more questions the longer you look at them. Do the things on their faces move every time they speak and cause them pain? I'm sure it does because they're all about plain, pleasure, expansion of sensation, and sensory overload. Like any movie, horror or not, I was extremely bored. I had to watch the movie on two-times speed because it was awful. I had minor heart palpitations when the Engineer chased Kirsty in the hospital; it was more suspense than fear. I'm fine with gore, so I wasn't completely disgusted, but there were some stomach-turning scenes. In general, I hate the pus, goo, and slime. The goo and pus during Frank's resurrection *shudders.* The SFX during the skin tearing and hooking was shoddy. I was not a fan of the "story," the stepmom, the nasty uncle (minor incest on his part,) the spineless father, etc.

THE EVIL DEAD

Another one I just absolutely loathed. I had this movie in the background also at two-times speed because it's dumb for lack of better words. The one thing that got me, again, was the pus. If I remember correctly, white goo shoots out, or was that Hellraiser? They're all the same, really. The decomposition scene after the lifted curse where this subcutaneous fat-looking substance pops out was revolting. I don't care for the story because I think all the characters are complete idiots for agreeing to go stay in a cabin in the woods, which they know nothing about, and no one has ever seen. Watch Cabin in the Woods instead because at least it seeks to be stupid for laughs. 

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

It's funny, especially the character parallel, but I didn't like it. Ed is absolutely infuriating. 

JU-ON: THE GRUDGE

Too long. I don't understand why there were all these "chapters." I think they complicate the story, and you can't sympathize for any of the characters. I fucked up by watching the third film instead of the first. I was expecting to scream in terror and not be able to fall asleep for days. I was very disappointed and underwhelmed. I'm glad there weren't jumpscares. I did shrink into myself because of the suspense.

THE CONJURING

Now, THIS is terrifying. I had to pause and walk away because I was getting too spooked. The suspense is great, and I don't recall any jumpscares. I was invested in the characters; I wanted to see a happy ending. I definitely will not watch Annabelle because dolls are terrifying. Somewhat religious and family-focused. 

RINGU

The movie was also a tad slow, and I always wanted to shake the female protagonist because she did something dumb. This whole thing wouldn't have happened if you never watched the tape. She wasn't a great actress, nor was she that great of a mother. She and her ex-husband leave their son alone in the house. I know the two don't live together because they're divorced, but at least let the kid spend some time with the dad. I like the creepy, distorted sound effects and mixing. Almost every J-Horror movie I've watched included kids; leave the kids alone! I don't like that the kids are victims and used as props because of child labor laws. Just don't include them. 

In conclusion, I hate horror.