A LITTLE LIFE MIDWAY CHECK IN

I started reading A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara on February 4th; it's April 15th as I type this post. Of the 814 pages, I am on 387, which isn't significant progress considering I've been "reading" this book for almost two months. 

Firstly, why am I reading this book? Frankly, I'm not sure either. It's probably because of all the Jack Edwards videos: celebs' favorite books, most depressing books, this book broke me, and other videos in the same vein. 

Either way, I am late, as usual, to the bandwagon. This book was popular when it came out, and I remember two bookstagram accounts raving about it. Other than the fact that this book has a long list of triggers and isn't for the faint of heart, I knew virtually nothing about the book. 

Once I began reading, I quickly realized I was not in the mood to read. I couldn't distinguish the four characters/friends. Did anyone experience this also? It felt clunky with how they were introduced right after one another. They were one mass before the author continued to flesh them out. I'm probably in the minority because I wasn't paying attention. Even when I read these characters in different contexts—with their families—I still saw them as one entity instead of separate individuals. 

It was challenging to keep track of their names, personalities, occupations, etc. Unfortunately, in pursuit of keeping track, I looked up the characters and was spoiled... 

Luckily, everything is good now (concerning keeping track of characters,) not in terms of plot—there's never anything fine and dandy about it. 

When reading this book, you should always approach it as so: despite the positivity and joy now, something depressing will happen soon. It's the highs that make the lows all the more devastating. Ex. Harold and Caleb. BROTHER LUKE! The whole issue with Caleb and his introduction is what sparked this post. I'm livid and furious. The entire situation with Brother Luke has me sick to my stomach.

I sympathize with Jude and want what's best for him. I'm cheering him on to find love, trust his friends, let people in, and be vulnerable, but he's also infuriating. Add frustrating to the list of adjectives to describe this book. Please take care of your mental health! Reach out for help!

After reading 400 pages, you really get to know a character. Hanya Yanagihara is great at getting readers to sympathize with Jude: not just because of his personal history and health issues (she really dogpiles all the sympathy points) but because he seems kind and doesn't deserve all his misfortunes. He's a good person.

There isn't really a plot. It's character-driven and about the "vibes." It's vignettes of Jude's life at different stages but occasionally peppered with other perspectives, i.e., Harold. At first, it's about his friends, but they become less relevant to the story (besides Willem, he's a special case, which is evident from what I've read so far.) 

Everyone is at different life stages, and the drifting friendship, despite how much the love and care for each other, felt tragically real. Think about your core group of friends; will they still be your world when you have a different job, a partner, a family, or live somewhere else? You think your friendships and relationships will last forever, but that most likely won't be the case, which is depressing. Imagine having to make new friends... it's challenging enough in college or recently graduated. I only made one new friend in college. My closest friend I've known since middle school. I didn't make a single new friend. 

Adulting is hard.

Back to Jude's friends. It's disappointing how his friends are so irrelevant where I am reading. I understand the rift caused by one of the friends resulted in Jude not speaking to them, but there's another link in the friendship that's also lost. 

Sure, the group broke off into dyads, but that last link can make the occasional appearance, surely. Even if he's not the most exciting and he's the most privileged... you know what; he has enough privilege; he can have less page time.

Someone, please tell me, does Jude ever seek help? Does he ever unlearn his trauma? Does he ever share the burden that wasn't his? Will there be a happy ending? (I know there won't, but let me dream.) How depressed will I be upon finishing?